Letters from Heaven

My wedding day was all sorts of emotional. Like if you were there to witness the father daughter dance to “You Should Be Here” by Cole Swindell…bless your heart because that was a tear jerker. A wedding is something a mother + a daughter plan together. You have no idea the amount of times I wanted to call my mom and ask her input. I got to witness her plan my sisters wedding. She did everything – even made all the flowers/centerpieces. I know my mom would have done the exact same for me. Every year she made my homecoming + prom flowers. She was the craftiest little thing + it made her so happy to do it.

Even though I truly thought I had more time with my mom, she knew that wasn’t true. My mom knew she wouldn’t make it to my graduation or wedding. I wasn’t prepared to lose her. But she was prepared to remind me of her love on some of my biggest days by leaving me letters. One week ago, I read the last letter from my mom. It was the most emotional one yet. I couldn’t even get through it the first time.. and neither could my friends. I read it outside near the pool and I swear I felt a breeze on me the entire time. It was an emotional moment but it was a moment I will never forget. I had my best friends around me and Mariza Trancoso was there to capture it all. Bless her heart she was probably crying too. I have shared her letter because not all friends and family were at the wedding to read it themselves. I know it will bring tears to your eyes, but I hope it brings peace + happiness to your hearts.

Losing a parent is a God awful feeling. It changes you as a person. It changes you as a mother. And it changes you as a lover. I am forever grateful that my mom was around to meet Jake. She loved him and loved the happiness he brought me. I am positive that as she was writing this letter..she was envisioning that it would Jake marrying me. That brings me so much peace +joy knowing she has given us her blessing.
One of my favorite moments from the wedding was when cocktail hour ended and everyone was seated for dinner. It was just Jake + I outside on the patio. He decided to read the letter from my mom and he completely lost it.. He embraced me like he never had before. I have only witnessed him like this one other time so I was also an emotional wreck. He knew how much she meant to me and he could feel it that she had written that letter knowing that he would be the man to marry me. Jake and I stood there for what get like forever just holding each other and reminiscing memories about her. I needed that moment with my husband since I couldn’t have that moment with my mother.
I miss her every day. I still think that I am in the denial stage of accepting her death because I never truly dealt with it.. I’ve kind of just tucked it away and kept myself busy. Or maybe that’s just how I’ve dealt with it. She always said I was her strongest and most mature daughter (sorry Tina), so maybe she’s right. Maybe I have accepted it and maybe it will all be ok. I hope for those of you who haven’t healed, that this letter will help you to find peace.
My Beautiful Daughter,
It has come this day you have always thought about, your wedding day. As I look down my heart fills with such happiness. I fought so hard to be here for this day. I may not be here for this day, I may not be here in body, but I am with you in your heart. You are such a beautiful bride and this man is so very lucky. If you feel a breeze on your cheek or a whisper in your ear just know its me kissing you and telling you how happy I am for you baby.
I wish you a lifetime of happiness and joy. You are and always have been one of the strongest, most determined (lol) women I know.
I wish I could have been here to do your flowers as I have done so for many prom and homecomings..
Unfortunately her letter ended there. All the others were signed “love always, mom”.. she may have gotten to sick to finish or maybe she fell asleep in the recliner watching a Lifetime movie. All I know is that I am grateful beyond words for these letters.
Here are the photos from Mariza Trancoso. I am so glad she was able to capture this emotional moment for my friends +family. 16652645_10154059470372581_341223377_n16652647_10154059470392581_419039529_n16652691_10154059470882581_1280808982_n16683317_10154059470217581_1958841332_n16683345_10154059470802581_365822379_n16650219_10154059470887581_443291740_n16652758_10154059489682581_1558583676_n16684403_10154059489852581_2040898291_n16559077_10154059489807581_1232931256_n16651598_10154059489907581_216198327_n

2 Comments

  • Reply Amber Lynn February 9, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    WOW. Tears. Even though I’ve only had the chance to hangout with you once while you were still in High School, I can tell you are a beautiful person – inside and out! I love that you are so genuine ❤ lots of love xoxo

  • Reply Elizabeth Allen February 10, 2017 at 1:26 am

    1st off, congratulations on your wedding and your beautiful life. I know we have never met, but I follow your blogs and your social media stuff because it is nice to see somebody truly happy. I went to Newman, graduated 2012, didn’t want you to think I’m just some rando person following you for no apparent reason.
    2nd, I never met your mother, but she sounds SOO amazing. This is such a special gift to have from her.
    3rd, I just want you to know, that like your bridal party in the pictures, I was bawling when I read this. I lost my dad literally just over 2 years ago and he never got the chance to write me or my siblings any letters because his cancer had professed so rapidly. It was brain cancer, and it affected his motor skills entirely from the moment we found out. Reading this letter from your mom, in a way, helped me a little. My dad would have put words from his heart that are very similar to what your mom wrote you. You are very VERY blessed to have this gift. Cherish your letters. I cherish all of my old birthday cards and a letter he wrote me for my senior retreat, solely because somewhere in there it always says “luv ya kiddo, dad”.
    Thank you for posting this and sharing it with us.

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