Here is a very honest (and probably long) post.
So it is no secret that I have always experienced depression and anxiety. Actually, when I first met Jake, I was in the one of the most depressed states I have ever been in. News with my mom was getting worse with every phone call to home, I was away at a school that I didn’t feel like I belonged to, and I was skipping all my classes for weeks at a time. I never left my dorm bed. I wasn’t even sure I would return for my second semester. I thankfully stuck it out and turned my life around after that.
I still experience random moments of depression. And my anxiety is almost constant. However, I have never been ashamed of those two words. I mean, I lost my grandma, an uncle, and my mother basically all within a year. I moved across the country to school of 70,000 people where I only knew 1 person. I shortly became pregnant after that and I have spent a lot of time raising my kids alone due to Jake’s season schedule. It seems pretty acceptable to feel depressed and anxious after all that has occurred in my life.
Although I am not ashamed of the things I cannot control, I am annoyed. I am so so annoyed with letting my anxiety get the best of me. I will have very sporadic panic attacks where I have to leave the gym or public settings because my mind is racing and I cannot breath. It is a terrible feeling that I cannot control. It kills me to know that so many other people feel this way too and some of them have no one to talk to..
I have always been BEYOND blessed to have two friends that I can call no matter what time to talk about my anxiety attacks with (you know who you are girlies. I love you two to death). I also have an amazing husband who is finally starting to understand the severity and uncontrollable effects that anxiety has on people. My sister is another great person to talk to because she has just about the same issues as me. We all have gotten through it together. I am so lucky to have these people who accept it and help me to overcome it. I hope everyone has at least one person they can discuss their feelings with.
Though I cannot control my anxiety 100%, I am making a lot of life changes to try to get it under control. I finally, after years of being in denial, have sought medical help for my anxiety. I was never ashamed of my anxiety, but I just never wanted it to get to the point that I felt I needed medicine to help me get through the day. I know my medicine will be short-term use, which is why I am focusing on changing things in my daily routine to help my mind stay healthy and focused.
For starters, I have decided to ditch caffeine (as best I can). I am a 3 cups of coffee per day type of girl, but for the next month.. I will not be having coffee. I am switching to tea. Yes, I know there is caffeine in tea, but there is significantly less. I will also be drinking decaf tea occasionally. I will not be taking pre-workout either anymore. I am considering using the Spark from Advocare because I have used it before and it had no effects on me like pre-workout did, but I have not decided yet.
Another change will be my physical activity. I have always been very active, so that is not the issue with my mindset. However, I often feel that I am not active enough. I will feel guilty and be hard on myself if I am not in the gym 5+ times a week. I enjoy going to the gym 5 times a week. I love being active. But I find it very hard to get there 5 times a week with all the traveling and moving around I do. So from now on, I will be working out 3 times a week in a gym. I will mix in runs and yoga when I feel I need to clear my mind. I think that this will help me tremendously because I will be able to maintain my goals easily while still staying physically healthy. Right now, my main focus in my mindset (sorry abs, you’ll have to wait).
In addition to those big changes, I will be adding a variety of vitamins to my morning routine. I also will be focusing more on what I eat. I’m not saying I am going on a “diet”, but I would like to indulge in less processed foods to see if it will change my headaches and sudden crashes I experience. Of course you will still see me at McDonald’s drive through or eating a ballpark pretzel. Like I said, it is not a diet. It is just being conscious of what goes into my body and how it affects me.
I’m hoping that all these life changes will help my mind to be at ease. I hope I can stop sweating the small things in life and stop letting my anxiety get the best of me. I want to be present with my family and honest with my followers, which is why I am going to share this journey through my blog + instagram. I hope I can motivate more people to make the necessary life changes + to open up so that they can be the best version of themselves.
If you read all that, thank you. I look forward to sharing with you all! Please feel free to send me your tips, tricks, and feedback. Even if it’s just your favorite tea or favorite meditation or anything!